It seems silly when I’m complaining so much about pain and fatigue and discomfort that I would spend my weekends toiling away on DIY projects and my evenings writing about it. After all, I should be resting, and the baby really only needs parents, food, clean diapers, and a safe place to sleep, right? I’m under no illusions that the beauty of his nursery will have any impact whatsoever on his overall well-being, or my worth as a mother. Deep down I know that none of this is for him. It’s for me.
During a time when I’ve had to give up so many things that brought me simple pleasure–having a glass of wine, sleeping through the night, being able to sit upright without excruciating pain in my ribs–is it really so silly for me to hang onto this one creative outlet that has always brought me happiness?
At this point I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep working full-time until my due date. It’s just too painful to spend most of my day sitting. But as long as I’m able to get up and move in short bursts, I’ll keep plugging away on all my little projects. I’m convinced it’s the only thing keeping me from slipping into depression.
Jack won’t care one bit if his dresser is the perfect shade of blue, or whether the curtains bring balance and texture to the room. But I feel quite sure that he will be directly affected by my mental state. So my number one priority, behind keeping him safe and secure and healthy, of course, is to safeguard my own sanity.
I know that things might not all come together perfectly in time, and that’s okay. The goal is not a perfect nursery. It’s the process that matters to me, the behavior of imagining something I want and then making it happen, one little bit at a time. It’s like an external representation of the growth happening in my belly, except I actually have control over it. In fact, it’s pretty much the only thing I have control over these days, so maybe that’s why I like it so much. Whatever the logic, I’m grateful to have a hobby that helps me cope when things get rough, and I’ll keep at it for as long as I can.